The Blue Room Vol. 5 by Kailin Gow

Author:Kailin Gow [Gow, Kailin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kailin Romance, theEDGEbooks.com
Published: 2015-01-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

I am buzzing all the way home. My mind is on fire. I know I shouldn't let myself lose myself in the fantasy of the Never Knights, the glamour and the excitement, but somehow I can't stop myself. Singing with Neve and the band was unlike any experience I've ever had. For the past few months, I've been so mired in the muck of the Blue Room that I haven't been able to experience anything outside it. I haven't been able to truly appreciate who I am as a person. I've been a siren for so long I've forgotten how nice it is to be human: to focus on my talents other than looking good and being good in bed. When I was in that studio, I think, I wasn't “sexy.” I wasn't “hot.” I wasn't “desirable.” I was just me: making the art I loved, making something creative.

It felt good. Like – really good. I hadn't realized how difficult it was to just “be myself” until the opportunity had been taken away from me. As much as I loved spending time with Terrence and Mr. X., it was different. With them, I was also a sexy woman first, everything else second. My body, the pleasure I could give and receive, they were front and center, always. I was a lady of the night: a fantasy.

But this was a fantasy of a different kind. Playing with the beautiful Neve, watching her long black hair fall over her delicate face and shoulders, letting my voice soar through to the ceiling of the great studio. It was like losing myself in a fantasy of my very own.

Careful, Staci. It's the voice in my head: cold, hard, like flint. Don't let yourself fall. It was the same voice that said don't fall in love with Xander. Don't fall in love with Terrence. Don't fall in love with anyone. The voice that reminded me that everything to do with the Blues was an illusion. Maybe even this, too. I could be a pop star for a few hours, recording with the Never Knights, but that didn't change anything. At my core I was still a Blue Girl: an automaton, a body without a soul, or at least, with the soul that I decided to adopt each morning for my clients. At my core I was still a nobody.

I don't say a lot in the car ride home. Luc and Steve and Kyle are all joking with each other; Neve is laughing and singing cheesy pop along with the car radio. But I just look out my window at the world whooshing by me: the neon lights, the sparkle, the sheen, the glamour of LA. At least, it was glamour to an outside eye, I thought. Once you looked closer, you saw the trash, the rats scurrying in the gutters, the flies buzzing on the Styrofoam containers left abandoned. Look close enough, I think, and you realize just how rotten the whole world really is.

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